December 2005 – Soapbox Rants: In Exile

It was a cool evening, the kind that flows with relaxation. A light breeze brushed his back. He absently thumped some ashes off of his clove cigarette and resumed his lazy swinging.

The stars are bright tonight, he thought. A kind of luminous haze stretched across the sky. The moon was full and bright, illuminating the few wispy clouds that passed overhead. Taking another draw on his clove, he laid his head back and let his mind wander. He could begin to feel the energies flowing about him, through him. This was what he wanted. Relaxation and cleansing were his purpose.

As it happened so many times before, his mind eventually found its way to memories of her. It recalled little things like the way she would look up through her lashes with an impish smile. These thoughts contented him and in turn made him smile. The stars twinkled and the energies flowed. Soon the clove had burned out but he still sat on the swing, rocking gently.

She had seemed a little distant. It was understandable, all things considered. He was fairly sure that he knew why, though he would never ask her. There were many things he would like to ask but would not. It would be too much like prying, which is something he tried to avoid. He decided that the best thing he could do was try to be more passive. She knows he is there with an understanding ear when she needs it. She knows that he will be there when she needs a friend, whether to talk or to rant or to just be a little silly.

There were things he wanted to talk about, but he will wait. She will come when she is ready. She has a very strong spirit…a very determined will. It was one of the things he admired most about her. The time would come when they could sit back in a restaurant with a cup of coffee and talk of life, make silly jokes, and quote movies for fun. It’s something that friends do.

Friends. He never used the word lightly. Most people would call almost any aquaintance a friend. To him, however, a friend is a special person one can open up to. Someone you can turn to and share intimate thoughts, worries, joys, fears, and dreams. Not many people fit that bill with him. He could probably count them on one hand. She was among them.

He knows she is having a rough time. The holidays and work and other troubles must be weighing down on her. His smile faded for a moment, he knew that he fit in the last category. This is probably the main reason she hasn’t wanted to talk lately. It frustrated him. He always tries to be there for his friends, to help them with whatever support he could give. This time, however, he has been unable to do that. Unable to be a firm rock for a friend to lean on when they needed it.

He shifted on the swing. Patience. The word echoed lightly in the recesses of his mind over and over. I know, I know. It isn’t easy for me sometimes though. He had to smile for he had the distinct feeling the silent part of his mind was smirking at him. He opened his eyes and looked up at the stars for a while, feeling the energies dance about him.

“Just remember you have a friend that will wait as long as it takes,” he whispered gently into the night sky as if afraid speaking any louder would somehow disrupt the magick of the evening.

On Holidays

So I was sitting here thinking about the holidays. Amazing how much stress can breed from something that’s supposed to be a simple celebration. You really gotta hand it to the capitalistic think-tanks. They never miss a chance to rape a meaningful event until it’s nothing more than a profit increasing spend-fest. I suppose it can’t be helped. We’re all so caught up in material things that we soon forget what’s really important in life.

Things don’t make people happy. Thoughts, emotions, feelings, the fulfilling of needs and desires…that’s where happiness comes from. I think we lose sight of that sometimes. It’s not that Xbox360 or that new pair of shoes that brings the joy. There was a desire for it. The desire was fulfilled. That’s the source of the joy.

I’m not some silly nit that thinks we should give up material things and live the idealistic utopian life. That idea would never survive the times. I’m just saying that rather than focus on the material things we believe will make us happy…try looking at the needs and desires behind it all. That’s where we should focus. It’s a lot easier to get to the joy and happiness if we cut through the muck and get right down to what we really need and want. Now give me my Xbox360.

ill haiku

Sinuses draining
I’m making with the coughing
And the throat is sore

Rain

The patter of rain
The beating of the two hearts
I will be waiting